Why is it chivalrous for me hold a door open for a girl? What is the point of that? Is there some ancient tradition that I'm missing? Or is it simply common courtesy? 'Cause if so, then I'm not buying it. Oh and no, I don't have my receipt. Sorry.
Now, I'm not bashing chivalry in any sense, nor do I abhor courtesy. In fact I have often been criticized for being too courteous at times. There are those reading who are now laughing because they know me as a jerk (ass), and others who are nodding their heads because they themselves have said this to me. I do my best and try my hardest to be chivalrous and courteous to as many beautiful girls as I can, but I may have to stop following what we ideally see as "chivalry," and instead do the exact opposite.
Spitball with me for a second, because here is what I was thinking today when I held the door open for Hosanna and let her walk through first.
What the hell am I doing!? What if there is a booby trap on this door and I just killed her!
I pictured myself opening the door, she thanking me and walking through, and a giant anvil falling on her head! Then she died, and I felt really bad.
But of course this isn't the only type of booby trap that could have afflicted her today. What if when I opened the door (or let's say that I don't open the door and instead let her open the door and walk through, while I follow. I often do this because it is too awkward for me to maneuver in front and open the door) and then she walked through and a huge circle saw dropped down and cut her head off!
What am I to do then? "Oops. Sorry. I was just being courteous."
NO!
In this scenario it would be better for me to walk through the door first, let myself get destroyed by the anvil or decapitated by the saw, rather than let Hosanna die!
OR!
What if I take a girl out to dinner and I decide I should open my car door for her and wait for her to get in before I do (I did this for Angie Abbe after formal). Simple, right? Courteous, correct (alliteration rules)? NO!
What if one of my crazy roommates decided to play a little trick on me so that my car EXPLODES! the next time I get in it (haha, those crazy roommates of mine). And after I shut the door, before I get in, THE CAR BLOWS UP! and she dies! So sad.
Or a not too common chivalrous maneuver is to walk on the street side of the sidewalk. I've been told this is so if a car drives by and there is a puddle, the girl doesn't get wet.
BUT!
What if we're walking by a gas station and there are some very hot male models having a gasoline fight (as they often do), and one of them accidently lights a match (who can blame them?), then the entire gas station blows up, killing her, but because she was there, it saved me because the fire deflected around me! And she died. How terrible.
Well...at least she didn't get wet!
I am never letting a girl go through a door before me, letting her in my car first, or letting her walk on the gas station side of the sidewalk. She will be protected. Again, except from water.
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